Every once in awhile, I get an email that is so... OFF that it must be shared! Never get complacent and think that a witty, well-crafted on-line dating profile with a smattering of multi-syllabic vocabulary words will keep the freaks at bay.
Au Contraire, fair nymphs. This one showed up amongst a few innocuous "How's it going?" emails. And while "How's it going?" is pedestrian at best, it does not make my skin crawl as does the following:
"I’ve been sitting here, looking again at your profile, wondering of your image and imagining you as a person, woman and perhaps as a romantic possibility, too. What might an elegant dinner, cuddling while watching a movie, a walk on city streets or the beach be like?
You seem a beautiful women: with a serenity mixed with curiosity, growing out of a very centered and self assured soul. It is obviously a lot to assume having never spoken or met? Still, this warmth seems to exist in your profile and your eyes in your photo too.
It is said, “timing is everything”: It would be a pleasure if you decided to explore what we might have in chemistry, friendship or even sensuality that might exist between Us?
Please don't decide simply based on calendar age- because I possess youth & vitality in attitude, interests and outlooks- and am extremely fit, active and athletic... I hope you will agree with me… only bold and open sharing can possibly uncover the possibilities we might discover… and we cannot predict ahead of…
I write a bit poetry, perhaps you might be interested in others(?) hmm, we may see... Well, if you are cool with continued writing; and allowing Us to share and discover in a transparent way, I think I would enjoy knowing you? I am including this poem here… hope you like?
insert barf-inducing, abysmal "poem" here
YOU don't want me to sit here and write an advertisement for myself, attempting to persuade you I am somehow special- it seems so insincere when a person says, in answer to your expressions of a desirable man- yet I can assure you, I am sentimental, tender, reasonably intelligent & curious, physically athletic, passionate and enjoy laughter-new experiences and intimacy too… perhaps in becoming friends… deepening with play and laughter as the beginning of any sharing and discovering we might seek and share…
I genuinely wish you the sun’s warmth on your shoulders, and many smiles throughout your day. take special care, " (insert freak's name here)
On what planet does this man, 18 years my senior ( for clarification purposes) think this will incite me to do anything other than consider calling the police, immediately relocating out of state or just swilling down a few shots of whatever is most potent and nearest at hand?
It's a jungle out there. And we are the prey, make no mistake!
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